Parenting is not an easy job. We as parents, would always want to give what is best for our children. But how do we really know if we are doing the right thing for them?
I was at a certain bank this morning to assist my mom. While waiting, I saw a mom and a boy sitting. An old lady came and she was offered to take the seat of the boy who was around 3 to 4 years old. The boy cried and yelled at his mother wanting to take back his seat. He went to the old lady and looked mad at her while crying. His mother just took him but didn’t say anything to the child, instead, she stood up and let her child sit.
While seeing this, it made me pause for a minute and ask myself if I am also blinded by so much love for my kids. I am not a perfect mother I have my own mistakes in raising my children. But parenting is a never ending learning process, whether you have a child or more, we still learn new things and we still commit mistakes. Here are the common mistakes that I guess we are all guilty of doing:
Too much love
Just like in a song “Too much love will kill you”, too much love for our children might actually lead to something else. We may tend to give everything to them, to the point that we are no longer becoming parents but servants. That is why we sometimes see some kids who usually gets whatever they want because if they don’t, they will cry.
Too much love will also make us do everything just to make sure that they won’t get hurt or they will not experience bad things in life. We are not helping them but we are actually removing their independence. As much as we would want them to have a smooth sailing life ahead, there will always be challenges, and we have to let them learn how to deal with disappointments etc.
Parents are working to give their family a better future. We always say that we are just doing this for our kids and for our family. It is not bad to be the best at work but don’t forget the reason why you are working. Time is more precious than any material things in this world. Sometimes or most of the time, we tend to give more of our time and effort at work because we are blinded of the thought that “money is equivalent to good life” not knowing that we have sacrificed the time that our kids need from us. We let other people take care of them because we are so busy working. This may also lead to adapting other people’s attitude.
Being over-controlling or vice versa
We have a lot of insecurities in life and we tend to cover them by honing our children to be someone whom we want them to be. We try to control everything, their actions, their wants, their needs and not letting them decide on their own. This will negatively affect their decision-making and their self-confidence. On the other hand, there are those parents who tend to let their kids do whatever they want. They may have the good intention to let their kids stand on their own but these are still kids and they need guidance.
These are just the common mistakes, but there are still more. We parents are just human beings and we are prone to committing mistakes in life. But it will all boils down to one thing, we should always put God and His words in everything that we do especially in parenting. No matter how smart we are or how great we are as a person, we still need His wisdom and guidance as parents.
I saw a video of Vicki Belo & Hayden Kho featured by Showbiz Philippines on how they are training their daughter. This is one good example of how parents should be. I am not saying that they are perfect and that we must be like them. This article and this video are just opinions which I think might help in assessing ourselves if we are really doing the right thing for our kids.